sunny

This poem was originally written last year in 2020, when I was taking a class called “Writing as Experiment” with poet Prof. Franny Choi. It was published with other poems in the chapbook I wrote, feel it all, which was shared with my classmates but never posted publicly. In the original version, there was a period after “break through me,” and “so why do i feel so sad?” was not in parentheses and is tabbed to be further on the page (Medium doesn’t allow for this); I have just added the parentheses as I’ve never been sure if I like this ending. There are many poem that I’ve written that don’t feel done/complete, and so I’m hesitant to post them; but this is one that I’m ready to let go.

i always say to you, “i can hear you from the next room”
you always say, “it’s not the first time i’ve heard that”

i always say to you, “i can hear your laugh from really far away”
you always say, “it’s not the first time i’ve heard that”

you have the type of laugh that could move mountains. start an avalanche even.
and a smile that reaches so far and so wide that it could break through any cloudy day.
break through me

i always say to you, “i forget that you’re an english major”
you always say, “it’s not the first time i’ve heard that”

you study econ so you can make it up in the world; but you major in english to stay humble.

a black man trying to achieve the white man’s dream. i can’t even judge;
i respect the hustle, i respect your work, and i respect you.

i always say to you, “i have to remind myself that you’re an athlete”
you always say, “it’s not the first time i’ve heard that”

men disappoint me. black men disappoint me. athletes disappoint me.
but you don’t.

you make me smile

(so why do i feel so sad?)